First published in 2010 this book coincided with the first series of May’s television programme Man Lab, which it closely resembles in concept, indeed there are several items that appear in both. Let’s look at the nine “vital skills” the book attempts to teach which are as follows:

• How to Land an A330 Airbus in an Emergency
• How to Escape from Butlins – a holiday camp for those unfamiliar with the name
• How to Fight a Duel
• How to Deliver Twins
• How to Drive the Peppercorn Class A1 4-6-2 Pacific Locomotive Tornado
• How to Invade and Occupy the Isle of Wight
• How to Defuse an Unexploded WWII German Bomb
• How to Play the First Movement of Beethoven’s Piano Sonata in C Sharp Minor (The Moonlight) with no Previous Experience

Of these ‘defusing a bomb’ was covered in series one, episode one of Man Lab, ‘duelling’ was also in series one but split between flintlock pistols in episode two and sabres in episode three, whilst ‘Escaping from Butlin’s’ became escaping from Dartmoor Prison in series two, episode one. There are quite obvious reasons why no attempt to deliver twins without medical supervision wasn’t attempted on the television show and invading the Isle of Wight would have been quite an undertaking for what was a fairly low budget programme. Landing an Airbus could have been safely done in a simulator. presumably driving steam locomotive Tornado could also have been done on a preserved line whilst May could definitely have played the Moonlight Sonata as he has a degree in music from Lancaster University. The closest he gets to this one is in series two, episode three where he teaches somebody to play the guitar.

The real joy of the book however are the superb, and absolutely essential, diagrams by Mike Garland and particular mention should go to Bobby & Co who designed the book it really is very well laid out and although nobody should actually attempt any of the things described in the book you feel that a lot of thought has gone into making it as real as possible. With that in mind here is the cockpit of an A330 to have a quick panic about.

It is helpfully followed on the next double page spread with all the things you can safely ignore blanked out but even so there are still a lot of knobs, switches and digital readouts (the mass of mechanical dials has thankfully been replaced) to pay attention to. There is also a helpful disclaimer:

This guide has been prepared only for use in absolute dire buttock-clenching emergency. None of the advice given above has been sanctioned by Airbus or any of its associates. Do not attempt to fly the A330 Airbus on a recreational basis or use one for joy riding in a hoodie. The A330 Airbus is not a toy.

The one ‘skill’ I do have a small amount of experience in is fighting a duel and this is due to being a competitive fencer in my youth and becoming the armourer of the local club. I can therefore say that the description of sword fighting is pretty accurate which bodes well for the rest of the information in the book and again there is a sensible piece of advice which in this case, when choosing your opponent for a duel it is advisable to avoid people who are champions at fencing or shooting you are bound to come off the loser and that is not a position you want in a duel.

At this point I’d like to include another of Mike Garland’s excellent illustrations, in this example clearly based on the opened cover of a Haynes vehicle maintenance guide:

May’s book, like indeed Man Lab, which I remember fondly, is great fun, and informative in a way that you hope to never need to know any of this and in fact its main drawback is that if you ever did actually need to do any of the nine ‘skills’ you almost certainly won’t have the book to hand, or indeed have any idea where you last saw it. Having said that it was a good read and I have probably learnt something which can never be a bad thing. Especially if the one thing you learn is always to try to find a professional, defusing a bomb is not for amateurs and they are only a phone call away.